MARRIAGE

Marrige is regarded as the bedrock of Sikh society. Guru Nanak tauught his followers that they should lead a worldy life, that is, the normal life of householders . Recogonising their duties to parents, wife and children and to the wider society. he rejected the notion of ascetism and celibacy. A Sikh wedding has far greater significance than the simple unification of man and woman; it is regarded as an alliance between two families of compatible social and caste status.

Marriage is believed to be a spritual bond, and emphasise the concept of ek jote joye mutri (one soul in two bodies). Moreover, the concept of sanjog (relationship preordained by god) plays an important role in the establishment of a marriage alliance.

ARRANGED MARRIAGES

Traditionally, in Punjabi Sikh Society, marriages are arranged by the parents. The most important area in which parents have control over their children in the selection of spouses. Marriages are arranged according to the rules of caste endogamy according to which 'correct' partners can be found only in ones own caste group. Since the institution of marriage plays an important role in maintaining boundaries between caste groups, inter-caste marriages are strongly disapproved of; the partners in such alliances are treated as outsiders and a stain on the family honour.

The process of arranging marriage begins when the parents ask their relatives to look for a suitable spouse for their son or daughter. it was customary to arrange marriages of fairly young children. Nowadays, the marriages are arranged soon as their complete their education. A person who arranges the rista (marital alliance) is called a bichola (match maker). He/she will provide vital information about the would be bride and groom including general reputation and caste status of the families concerned.

Marriage negotiations are conducted in complete secrecy to aviod any embrassment to the two families. Once the formal matching of caste status and the suitability of spouses are agreed upon, the girls parents ask the matchmaker to arrange a meeting with the boys family in order to see the boy. Nowadays, the respective families meet both the girl and boy. Most Sikh parents insist on arranging a preliminary meeting between the spouses in order to seek their approval before finalising the marital bond.

Once the families have appproved the relationship, a date is fixed for thr engagement ceremony of mangni/kurmai. it takes place at the boys house or local gurdwara. A party of five or seven kinsmen of the girl, usally her father, father's brothers and maternal uncles, go to perform the engagement cermonies. They take the gifts of mathiyai (Indian sweets) and fresh fruit with them. The ceremony takes place in the presence of male relatives and members of one's biradari (caste). It begins with the retical of ardas if the cermony is conducted at the gurdwara, a special hymn of kurmai is recited from the Adi Granth, and a hukamnama is read out.

Now the girlss father puts seven handfuls of dried fruit in the boys johli (lap made of pink scarf) and then he puts one chhuara (dried date) in the boy's mouth. This ritual is called segan dena (giving a ritual gift), and it confirms the acceptance of the relationship by both families and their relatives and members of their biradari. The boys receibves gifts of a golden braclet and some cash from the girl's father. Other relatives also make gifts of cash to the boy.

Following the engagement cermony, the boy's family sends gifts of a long scarf (chuni) and sweets for the would-be bride. The sweets are distributed among close relatives and members of the biradari as an announcement of the engagement of their daughter.

WEDDING CEREMONY

The date of the wedding ceremony is fixed by mutual agreement. It is customary to send a sahey chithi (invitation letter) to the boy's family, formally inviting them to the solemnization of the marriage on an appointed day. The sahey chithi is prepared in the presence of close relatives and members of the biradari, and it is sprinkled with saffron. This custom has a ritual significance since red is the symbol of the renewal of life. In the Punjab, it used to be the customary duty of the family nai (barber) to deliver sahey chithi, for which he received a ritual gift of clothes and some cash. In the diaspora, the sahey chithi is delivered by the bichola (matchmaker).

PRE-WEDDING RITUALS

MAYIAN

Two days before the wedding, the ritual of mayian is performed at the couple's respective homes. The prospective bride or groom is seated on a wooden plank called a patri, and a red cloth is held above by four female relatives, while married women of the household and biradari, led by the mother, rub paste of turmeric, flour and mustard oil on his/her face, arms and legs. During the ritual women sing traditional songs and those fo the biradari receive the ritual gift of gogley (Punjabi sweets specially cooked for weddings at the end of the ceremoney.

CHURA

On the day before the wedding, a ritual of chura (involving a set of ivory bangles) is performed at the would-be bride's residence. Her maternal uncle makes a gift of clothes, jewellery and some cash called nankey-shak. He puts the bangles on his niece while the women sing traditionallysongs depicting the role of maternal uncles. Before the wedding ceremoney, the bride-to-be takes a ritual bath and wears clothes provided by her maternal uncles, and she gets wed in those clothes. Similarly, the bridegroom-to-be also receives a set of clothes called jora-jama from his maternal uncles which he, too, wears at the wedding ceremony. It signifies the importance of the role of the mother's natal family at the wedding rituals, which also reinforcs the alliance established at her (mother's) own wedding.

BARAT (WEDDING PARTY)

Traditionally, the wedding party consisted of the groom accompanies by male relatives and members of the biradari. Nowadays, women also attend. The wedding party is received by the kinsmen of the bride at a janigarh (hall reserved for wedding parties) or a gurdwara where the ceremony of milni (ritual meetin of the heads of both families) takes place in the presence of relatives and members of one's biradari.

MILNI

The Ceremony of milni is the most important of the pre-wedding rituals, it signifies the importance of the alliance of two families. It begins with ardas recited by the granthi who prays for God's blessing on the alliance of the two families. The ritual begins with the milni of the fathers of the bride and groom, now the bride's fathers makes a ritual gift of one turban and some cash to the groom's father. It is followed by the milni of maternal uncles. Similarly, the bride's uncle makes a ritual gift of one turban and some cash to his counterpart. Usually a list of important relatives is prepared by the groom's family who also receive a gift of a turban and some cash.

AKAND KARAK (WEDDING CEREMONY)

After the milni ceremony, the guests are entertained with a traditionally Punjabi breakfast. Now the barat and other guests move to the gurdwara for the anand karaj ceremony at which the presence of the Adi Granth is mandatory. Bride and groom sit before the Adi Granth, Anand Karaj begins with ardas followed by the ritual of palla pharana (joining the couple with the scarf worn by the groom), it is performed by the bride's father. This is a very emotional ritual in which the father gives away his daughter as a kanayadan (gift of a virgin). At this stage the ragis (religious musicians) sing the hymn of palley taindey lagi from the Adi Granth which stresses the permanence of the marital bond. The essence of his hymn is a pledge by the bride.

LAVAN (WEDDING HYMN)

Now the reading and singing of the verses of the lavan from the Adi Granth begins. After the reading of each verse the couple walk round the Adi Granth in a clockwise direction, the bridegroom leading the bride. The circumambulation is repeated four times. The ceremony of anand karaj concludes with the recital of the hymn amand sahib and ardas.

A registry wedding is regarded only as a legal requirement. After the wedding ceremony, guests are entertained with a laish meal. Usually, Sikh receptions are held at community centres or hotels.

DOLI (RITUAL DEPARTURE OF BRIDE WITH HER HUSBAND)

After lunch the ritual doli torna takes place. Doli is a kind of sedan in which the bride is carried to her husband's home by four jheers (water-carrier caste) men. The ritual of doli torna symbolizes permanent change in the bride's status from being a member of her father's household to being a member of her husband's clan. it is expressed in terms of bein a dhee (daughter) to becoming a noonh (daughter-in-law). Nowadays, bride and groom leave in a car, the traditional role of the water-carriers has become redundant.

MUKLAWA

The consummation of marriage is called muklawa. In the punjab a few years used to elapse between wedding and muklawa, depending on the age of the couple. In the UK and abroad, it usually takes place one day after the wedding. The daughter then departs permanently from her father's home. After the marriage a woman is expected to produce children, particularly sons in order to inherit their father's property and social status within the biradari. Nowadays, many couples go away for their honeymoon.

DOWRY

A Sikh dowry refers to all gifts that are given to the bride at the wedding, it also includes gifts to the groom and his relatives. Most Sikh parents provide a substantial amount of clothes, furniture, household goods and jewellery. In the Sikh diaspora, most Sikh brides are working women, and save a lot of money towards their own dowry. It used to be customary to show the dowry to the groom's father and his close relatives before it was packed. Nowadays, the practice of displaying a dowry has become very unpopular.

 

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